Mixdorf - 08/11/2004

Iraq's Sadr Urges Men to Fight Even if He Dies
Men look around furtively for escape routes, mumble, ‘sure’

Oil Prices Still Close to Record Highs
Don’t talk as much as they used to, what with family obligations and all.

Ex-Workers Accuse Halliburton of Fraud
Dick Cheney looks back on tenure as CEO, regrets allowing former employees to live.

Anti-Kerry Book Author Sorry for Slurs
Cleft palate has left him a lifelong lisper and difficult to understand

Formerly Conjoined Twins See Each Other
Way too fucking much, even after surgery.

One Dead in Suspected Suicide Blast Near Jerusalem
Shows clearly the failings in the modern suicide bomber schools. Graduates are too stupid to learn even the most basic lessons – it only counts if you blow up at least one other person.

Phone Calls Warns of Bomb on Spanish Beach
Authorities rush to the scene oblivious to subtleties of message. What they discovered, was in fact da bomb, in the person of Luisa Salazar, scantily clad and hotter than the sun.