Ten Headlines a Hatchin'

1. Court blocks BA Christmas strike
Hannibal, Murdock, Face still set to walk off.
2. French launch major Afghan attack
First non-surrender in 175 years.
3. NFL to ask its players to donate brains for study
Zombies unexpectedly gain majority stake in football league.
4. Even after death, Roberts' hand to be felt at ORU
As part of creepy prank by various frat houses.
5. The five legal cases that defined the year in music
The only 'music' heard was the cha-ching of billable hours.
6. Surprising Truths About Santa's Reindeer
Actually genetically modified elves.
7. STDs Common Among Sexually Active Teen Girls in Cities
Unsurprisingly uncommon among inactive girls in country.
8. Israel: First Jesus-era house found in Nazareth
Much shittier than mangers of same era.
9. Storm-walloped East Coast returns to work — slowly
Storm better excuse than reality of office party hangover.
10. Loophole lets mentally ill Texas juveniles go free
Normally Texas requires all to be executed.