Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

1. Union Head Teaches Don Shelby About Local Food
Floats over to farmers' market, then gets in argument with itself.

2. Former Gopher Spreads Love Of The Game
Apparently died with smile on its face

3. Target Co. Crisis Center Watches For Disaster
That mysterious changing of red carts into blue

4. `Wizards of Waverly Place' big hit for Disney (AP)
Despite inability to make 4-Cheese Pizza disappear

5. Pinochet purges arrests ordered
Thus ending 36-year Mypos reign of terror

6. Crews 'hopeful' over LA wildfire
Headed straight for the soundstage for "Two and a Half Men"

7. Blaze Threatens Historic Observatory
Former American Gladiator, Down on His Luck, Back to Harrassing Those Guys Who Made Him Feel So Stupid in High School.

8. Contractors Outnumber U.S. Troops in Afghanistan
American Bases Now Fortified with Drywall, Vapor Barrier, and 30-Year Roof.