Ten in Trying Times

1. Geithner seeks new powers over financial companies
Can't decide between Jedi or Superman.
2. Treasury Chief Seeks Wider Power to Seize Troubled Firms
Brings in Justice League, too big too fail no problem for Apache Chief.
3. Obama leaves White House for European meetings
Leaves iron plugged in, door unlocked.
4. Democrats Unveil Ambitious Global Warming Bill
Republicans unveil actual plans to warm the globe.
5. Lemon cola becomes holy water in baptism
Of jism.
6. 8 accused of stealing pot, guns from Miss. police
Miss. police too stoned to care.
7. Police: Dad killed kids, relatives, then himself
Finally achieving some peace and quiet.
8. `Real Housewives' countess separates from count
Now just ess.
9. Gang of Juvenile Dinosaurs Discovered
Hanging out at the BrontoBurger.
10. School PE Programs Don't Lower Child Obesity
Not enough time allotted for the 10,000 jumping jacks required to burn off today's lunch.