Ten Commandments

1. Syrian woman 'dies in detention'

Syrian Breakfast Club more tragic than comic.

2. U.S. border police shoot man wielding replica pistol

At least one remembered the Alamo.

3. Iran asks Russia about building more nuke reactors

After awkward segway at UN bar.

4. Abbas speech lifts Palestinian spirits

ABBA's songs do even more.

5. Court throws out potash price-fixing lawsuit

No way to hold trial with such a funny name.

6. Marsalis says he and Clapton share blues roots

Clapton: anyone want to play the blues with me...anyone?

7. FACT CHECK: Slippery assertions in GOP debate

Hard to pay attention when competing with gay bashing and fear mongering.

8. Bristol CEO says "pure pharma" strategy paying off

And by Pharma he means bullshit.

9. Two Winthrop fishermen stranded in fog

Even fishermen are getting soft.

10. Belichick Disappointed By Early-Season Injuries

Will be more taciturn as a result.