8

1.Pirates name Huntington general manager (AP)
Yargh! Hopefully not so scurvy as the old dog.
2. Amazon spins up digital music store (AP)
Old time metaphor's days really numbered.
3. Terror center on alert 24/7
Terror never sleeps!
4. UK: 3rd Case of Bluetongue Confirmed
Seem to be linked to consumption of similarly colored popsicles.
5. Springsteen gives fans preview of tour
Puts on greatest hits album, sweats a lot.
6. Feds announce largest steroid crackdown
Unnaturally large, in fact.
7. Episcopalians try to prevent split
Force cheerleader's legs together.
8. Peru trade pact clears major hurdle in Congress
Big, fat Dennis Hastert (R-IL).