Back from the Dead-lines

1. 'Fried Egg' of Azores could be impact crater from space.
In the unlikely event humanity has been wrong to this point and familiar white and yellow thing represents not a component of a protein-rich breakfast but, instead, a hole in the ground.

2. Muslims Say FBI Tactics Sow Anger, Fear
FBI to Muslims: Join the Fucking Club

3. Brain Damage Found in Hockey Player
Only one hockey player examined, to date.

4. At Mine's Bottom, Hints of Dark Matter.
At Mike's Bottom, Also Hints of Dark Matter.

5. Health Care Bill in balance without Nelson's vote
Nelson not voting at all. Waiting to see if it doesn't pass before issuing solitary, echo-y "HA-ha!"

6. Vegas CityCenter: Seen Through the Eyes of One Worker
That worker: RoboCop

7. Hi-Tech Dreams Dissipate for Furniture Workers
As "Magic-Finger" Hotel Bed Market Goes the Way of the Wainwrights

8. PGA Comissioner: Tour Will Survive Tiger's Absence.
He thought they were talking about a real tiger.