Elevensies

1. See a Huge Moon Illusion Wednesday
Gullible listeners likely to be horrified, disappointed.
2. Gay couples rush to get married in California
Not first 'rush' in CA history involving men willing to pleasure each other.
3. At Vermont lake, new controversy over nude beach
Not enough hot girls.
4. 2 Denali backpackers missing; search in third day
Giant sport utility vehicle has lots of crevices, out of the way places.
5. George Takei of `Star Trek' gets marriage license
Deep voiced "I do" only audible to elephants.
6. 6 centuries of scientific books to be sold in NYC
In slap in the face to Catholic Church, which tried to burn them all.
7. Hey, Buddy, Put Your Clothes On
That's no moon illusion.
8. Man, dog in car survive plunge down remote cliff
Toonces vows to try again.
9. Mariners move Ichiro Suzuki back to right field
All of them. Off season weight gain limits his mobility.
10. Massachusetts to spend $1 billion on biotechnology
Giant cloned army set to conquer Rhode Island.
11. ED an Indicator of Men's Health
Or subscription thereto.