Thirdteen

1. Inmate escapes German jail by mailing himself out in a box -
Warden gives grudging praise for his ability to somehow seal with packing tape.

2. Obama Met With Clinton to Discuss Possible Role
That of a Harpy in new Obama's new blackploitation update to "Clash of the Titans"

3. Motherlode: Does Rewarding Children Backfire?
Yes, if you reward them with real magic wands

4. Obama-McCain: New meeting set to bury campaign ax
If McCain weilds ax like he holds microphone, he'll need vertical slab of wood in which to bury it.

5. Officials: Sen. Clinton eyed as secretary of state
Bill, behind the scenes, urging renewed diplomatic efforts with Sweden

6. New Outlook After Obama's Win
If new, crappy version of Microsoft Outlook had come out BEFORE Obama's win, it may have been the only thing that could have derailed his internet-based campaign.

7. Who Murdered China's Emperor 100 Years Ago?
John McCain

8. Hedge Fund Managers Favor More Transparency
As opposed to John McCain's presidential campaign, which was favoring more transparencies

(sorry...getting on John McCain roll again...)

9. Heart test 'cannot predict risk'
But can 'allow sneak peek of your boobs'

10. Sun Micro to cut up to 6,000 jobs
The tech equivalent of disbanding the Iraqi National Army and sending them home with their guns

11. France in denial?
No, France in deSeine!

12. 'Hoop’ Wins Bike-Rack Design Contest
Is there anything this mysterious, urban, basketball-flinging superhero can't do?

13. Space Plumbers Ready for Shuttle Launching
Oh yeah! (thanks, folks! I'll be here all week)