Electorate

1. Obama, McCain battle across campaign's closing day
The electoral equivalent of Godzilla versus Mothra.
2.Def Jam exec dies from self-inflicted gunshot
Company policy to be expanded beyond 'Don't shoot others.'
3. Supreme Court hears case over American Indian land
Washington DC once home to Potomac Indians.
4. World closely watching US presidential elections
Considering kicking us out of UN if we fuck it up again.
5. Palin falls prey to Canadian pranksters
Canada's long land border with Alaska proves no help in preparing her for dealings with cheeky Canadians, despite claims to the contrary.
6. Paleontologists sift Utah soil for plant fossils
Likely to find shit buried during recent hiking trip.
7. Falls Are Leading Cause of Injury to Seniors
Participation in Mixed Martial Arts surprisingly high.
8. US military: 40 tons of Afghan dope destroyed
Bummer dude!