Maybe not Magnificent - but 7

1.
Bush Starts New Term, Seeks End to Tyranny
Should have stopped with one term.
2.
New 50 Cent Song Sprays Rap Rivals
Urged to say it instead.
3.
Barge Carrying Petroleum Product Explodes
Vaseline makes mess of harbor.
4.
Fed's Yellen says inflation appears "contained"
CONTAINED!!
5.
Residents who fled North Vancouver mudslide return briefly to danger zone
Most return via the highway (to the dangerzone).
6.
Cheney's feet solidly planted in No. 2 spot
Linoleum on bathroom floor almost worn through.
7.
Rare Giant Pandas Boost Numbers by Almost Half
Barry White seems to have done the trick.