7 Swans - you know the story

1.
Last-Minute Holiday Shoppers Hit Malls
Leave wrecked, stunned cashiers in their wake.
2.
Gray Hair Holds Clues to Fighting Cancer
Blue hair holds key to buffet deals.
3.
2 Men Convicted in Texas Smuggling Scheme
Scheme involved a wheel-barrow and a pile of dirt across the border in OK.
4.
Falluja Returnees Angry, 'City Unfit for Animals'
If any animals remained alive, they would heartily disagree.
5.
Top German Comedian Back on TV After Year Off
Retooled act features no less than a dozen jokes about schnitzel.
6.
Santa Workshop Said Under Threat from N.Pole Thaw
All freezers and refrigerators in complex thrown open in futile attempt to avert disaster.
7.
In U.S., So Many Obese, So Many Hungry
Cannabilism may be the answer.