Tentalus Colony

1. China's Hu Praises Macau on Anniversary
"I macau this card"

2. Beatification Approved for Hawaii Nun
Pope declares her officially meek, poor

3. Deliberations Resume in Smuggling Trial
Defense for asks jury how they think 7'2" Wookie could fit in 4' x 4' cargo hold.

4. Gulf Arabs Want Polls to Lead to Broad-Based Iraq
Western powers question motives of Sheik Mel Sharples-led group

5. Report: Remains of 7,500-Year-Old Man Found in UAE
Alan Greenspan finally done in by heat during visit to middle eastern economic allies

6. Ariane Rocket Launches French Spy Satellite
To continually survey Venus, the planet of love

7. Whale Shark Finds New Friends in Indian Fishermen
Inventors of new, 50,000-bristle balleen toothbrush

8. Snowball Fight in Saturn's Rings
One of many uproarious scenes in previously unreleased film starring the Beatles as astronauts

9. EU Fishing Talks Spark Protests
Criticism rampant over Prime Minister Gibbons' proposed inflatable fleet

10. No Safe Place for Satellites
Would be well advised to start hanging out with the Georgia Satellites