Ate

1. China’s Yang Grabs Elusive Gold
Tossed to him, in a bag, by Jackie Chan, who proceeds to kick him in the crotch.

2. Arkansas Suspect Quit Job on Day of Killing
Bodes poorly for "Reason Left Last Job" on next employment application.

3. In a Generation, Minorities May Be the U.S. Majority
An in this simple statement, the anscestor of Kirk immobilizes the anscestor of NOMAD

4. Downtowns Across the U.S. See Streetcars in Their Future
They will be the next exhibit over in the History Museum

5. Visual Science: The Genetic Map of Europe
Hairy in the South, pale in the East, and fresh-faced in the NorthWest

6. Madeleine Albright Urges Rice To Visit Russia
A closer look reveals what turns out to be simply a Madelein Albright mask. Mysterious impostor then urges Beef to visit Burundi.

7. NRA to Montana: Obama a threat to gun owners
Though not so nearly as much as the reverse.

8. McCain: US must reevaluate relations with Russia
American public wistful for the 90s, when our commander in chief could be expected to explore "relations" with Russia.