8 1/2

1. Somali pirates seize supertanker loaded with crude
Mostly back issues of Hustler.
or
Revealing Water World to be eerily prescient.

2. French 'virgin' ruling reversed
Based on implausibility of French virgin.
3. Forecasters: tough road ahead for the economy
Weather forecasters, just catching up.
4. W. Virginia town shrugs at poorest health ranking
Barely lifting shoulders at all in an effort to conserve precious energy.
5. Copy of famed Lincoln letter turns up in Dallas
On grassy knoll, riddled with bullets.
6. City dwellers learn ropes of rural life
Hilarity ensues.
7. Libya's Gaddafi speaks to Bush
Confirming spelling of name.
8. Wide-hipped fossil changes picture of Homo erectus
Explains why he was so erectus.