Nueve Enough Headlines

(one of those rare times when I got all headlines from the ones available on my Yahoo! home page-world news, us news, LA times, local news, college bb from last 1 minute only)

1. Israel to Disarm Settlers in West Bank
Disassing Generally Considered More Effective on Settlers

2. India, China Agree to Form Partnership
New Country, to Contain 3/4 of Worlds Citizens, Nostalically Names itself "Indochina," After Particularly Rousing Game of RISK.

3. Law Celebrates Mass Despite Protests
Vatican Rebel Priest News: Protesters Celebrate Despite Mass Law
Iran Big Brother News: Masses Protest Despite Celebration Law
Boston Gay Marriage News: Mass. Celebrates Law, Despite Protests

4. National Alert Issued for S.C. Ex-Convict
"PC" Term for "Escapee"

5. Trade Groups Join Bush on Social Security
Closer Inspection Reveals Them to be None Other Than Goofy, Japanese-Accented Leaders of Trade Federation from "Phantom Menace"

6. A Rift Among History's Voiceless
Michelin Man, Woodstock Not On Speaking Terms

7. NBA could beckon for Tar Heels stars
TV Analysts Begin Lengthy Discourse Over Whether Williams Has Coaching Ability to Rebuild Program to Level of 2004-2005

8. Inside Dish: Williams hits recruiting road
Road Leads to Ticketmaster, Where He Buys Front Row Seats for McDonald's All American Game

9. Pearl's wisdom should help him in a new oyster
Rueters Now Getting Metaphor Advice From Unknown Bachman's Executive.