Carrying my w-eight

1. Kennedy to appear, may speak at convention
Possibly replaced by much cuter Chinese girl.
2. Tiger Woods says his 2009 schedule uncertain
Might be able to squeeze you in on March 8th, twoish.
3. Research aims to put tongues in control of devices
Sales of disinfectant wipes to soar.
4. Photo Shows Stars Born in Huge Cosmic Wombs
People magazine releases Brangelina exclusives.
5. Man who supplied strippers to NY teen bash is shot
Really, just exhausted.
6. Iran kicks off production of locally built sub
Customer requested extra mayo, no pork.
7. Cheney to visit war-torn Georgia
Needs to recharge his batteries.
8. 3.4 Million Seniors Hit Medicare 'Doughnut Hole'
Wash it down with crappy coffee.