9 luft balloons

1. Holder Seen as Obama Choice for Justice Post
Beholder considered for job guarding federal reserve.
2. Al-Qaida No. 2 insults Obama with racial epithet
Besmirching otherwise winning personality with bigotry.
3. Saudi owners 'talking to pirates'
Confusing meaning of International Talk LIKE a Pirate Day.
4. NASA tests "deep space Internet"
Secretly searching for holy grail of alien pornography.
5. Scientists find new penguin, extinct for 500 years
Begs to differ.
6. Bush reopens renovated American history museum
Features images of Ronald Reagan crossing the Delaware, inventing the light bulb.
7. Our Ancestors Had Floppy, Flexible Feet
Had very homoerotic interactions, particularly when fishing and on grueling expeditions.
8. Broad drilling ban to stand
Mugs and palookas will need to seek sexual gratification elsewhere.
9. Robots May Come to Aging Boomers' Rescue
May enslave them.