He's Alive!!!

1. Google search finds missing child
Yahoo! programmers a bit stymied at how to top this one
2. Advanced Placement Italian Test to End
Italy gives up on hope of any high-achievers among its youth
3. Saving a Squirrel by Eating One
Jethro Clampett logic
4. Palm Unveils iPhone Competitor
What is unveiled by palm, in fact, rivals any form of entertainment known to mankind
5. Court will hear reverse discrimination case
Lawyer for black man denied employment will sound like the Swedish Chef
6. Obama's first gift as president to be crystal bowl
Hearing what's inside the box not quite right, Obama laughs maniacally and rushes off to isolate self in foreboding, turreted tower.
7. Obama: Some ambassador nominees will be political
Others to be weather, sports related.
8. Palin: Is Kennedy getting 'kid glove' treatment?
Former 'pit bull' whining like a toy spaniel