New York Six Exchange

1. Report: Jenkins Could Surrender Saturday
White coats surround her residents; anonymous tipster informed them girl within was "crazy"

2. Genesis Space Capsule Crashes Into Desert
Trees suddenly rise from earth, Spock grows pubes

3. Russia Threatens to Strike Terror Bases
Beginning with Legion of Doom headquarters, and moving on to COBRA's "Terror Drome"

4. Intern MD Injects Patient With Olive Oil
Had originally checked self into hospital for implants, but crawled into syringe & fell asleep

5. Eagles Extend Reid's Contract Through 2010
Mysterious monolith messages interpreted to mean $6MM signing bonus and $26MM over five years

6. NASA Space Probe Crashes in Utah Desert
in 1968. Neil Armstrong emerges.