S E 7 E N

Jackson song makes news its own way
By only molesting the ears of children

Travelers Spend More Time in Traffic Jams
People who work at home spend more time in strawberry jam.

Hurricanes Brighten Fleetwood's Future
Can't say the same for Mac

More PE Time May Fight Obesity in Girls
May cut number of hallway brawls between fat girls.

Floridians, Bay Staters Flee Frances
Local news finally succeeds in connecting distant story to local terror

Area tug-of-war team yanks hard, ranks high
In jism baptism semi-finals.

Clinton Breathing on Own After Surgery
Urges mouth-to-mouth anyway