9 in time

No. 25 Purdue Embarrasses Syracuse, 51-0
Purdue basketball team finally being put to good use.

Doctors: Clinton to Undergo Regular Bypass
You know - like the one everbody has.

Company Making Fake Urine for Researchers
Don't ask.

German army worried by increasing number of fat soldiers: report
Can't make them run, they're filled with chocolate.

Cheney May Help or Hinder Bush's Chances
Journalist should consider meteorology.

Inmates Hospitalized After Standoff
Thought standoff would be easier than hard-boiled egg eating.

Italian Tower Ready for Space Station
Crooked but ready.

Skeletons Yield Secrets to Radioactive Dating
Wear sunscreen.

Smoking and Drinking Are Bad for Semen
Drinking a double edged sword - no action without it