The President That Might Have Ten

1.Kate Moss in Solid Gold
What 58% of Americans Would Hope For If We Develop Time-Machine

2. New York man fakes robbery to pay off mortgage
Less Ethically Dubious Yet, Unfortunately, Far Less Lucrative than "Real Robbery" Alternative

3. Tourists flee as Gustav churns toward Jamaica
Giant, Retarded German Inches His Pedalboat Ever Nearer Dream Vacation Spot

4. Ethiopia hints at leaving Somalia
On the WB's Moesha

5. Hackers prepare supermarket sweep
As is Expected of them in their Day Jobs

6. Toyota Cuts Sales Goal
Promptly Announces Last Quarter Profits Exceeded Expectations

7. Obama plays some hoops, works on speech
Lazy, Racist Reporter Makes Assumption

8. Anticipating Obama With A Debate Team
Come On, He's not THAT young!

9. Today Marks Dual Landmarks In American History
"I Have a Dream" Speech and Invention of GigaPet

10. Joshua Green Describes The View From Denver
A lot of local damned ads featuring John Elway