8

1. Stocks retreat amid new Wall Street landscape
Landscape eerily reminiscent of The Road Warrior, including weird boomerang wielding kid.
2. After Ike, Texas survivors clamor for gas, food
Food that gives them gas.
3. Palin spells out her role in McCain administration
Shooting old lawyers in the face.
4. New Minneapolis bridge practical, not flashy
Unlike previous 'bedazzled' bridge.
5. J&J Vice Chairman Poon to retire in March
Dong to fill the void before Chairman Tang takes over in April.
7. Judge throws out Yellowstone snowmobile plan
Doesn't allow enough time for lunch.
8. Lost cat returned home after nine years
Cat indifferent.