Friendship...More?!?

1. Insurer UnitedHealth To Pay $350M For Settlement
Far more willing to pay for settlements than dental implants, apparently.
2. Thais 'leave boat people to die'
Boat people, with rudderbutts and clumsy oar-arms, had deck stacked against them from start.
3. Czechs apologise over toilet image in spoof EU artwork
T-Clog yet to apologise for multiple college-era toilet images due to his inexlicable "open door policy"
4. Homeland Security nominee pledges improvements
Home improvements. Mask ripped off to reveal none other than former Alaska Senator Ted Stevens.
5. Bush highlights foreign policy record as term ends
Using infamous "black sharpie hilighter"
6. Salmonella Outbreak Leads To Peanut Butter Recall
At least one Minnesotan willing to take his chances.
7. Sen. Dodd: Bailout Money Must Go To Specifics
Indie band from Connecticut trying to raise money for a used van
8. Obama's Inaugural Speech, Crafted By Predecessors
Plans to deliver Gettysburg Address. Hopes no one will notice.
9. Chinese Electric Car Jolts The Competition
Literally. Would have come in handy during drag race scene in Grease.
10. Ex-Cop Charged With Murder In Transit Shooting
The original "ex-cop who doesn't play by the rules"