7 Headlines-a-Laying

1. Jackson Squares Off With Attorney
Attorney happens to be Alley McBeal. Both must step on scale together at prefight weigh-in, or scale won't even register.

2. Lil' Kim Says Charges Are 'Witch Hunt'
Adds, "thankfully, not a Bitch Hunt"

3. Adultery with an Old Friend
Cory finally makes it out to Terre Haute

4. 'Madden,' 'ESPN' Football Score in Different Ways
ESPN uses laptop computers. Madden takes off shoes & socks.

5. Genetic Material May Help Make Nano-Devices: Study
If we can just get the 'genetic material' to get its minds out of the gutter

6. Therapy for Leaky Bladder Improves Quality of Life
Bed-warming ability suffers

10. Health-Focused Calif. Can't Dodge U.S. Obesity Woes
US Obese can't dodge anything