Seven-shmeven redux

UPN Plans a Trio of Solid New Series
If they were on The WB, they would be "SOLID!"

Rain, Hail Hamper Search for Boy Scout
Struggles to start fires under the best circumstances. Prays that it rains gasoline.

Polish Cops Bust 100-Member Computer Piracy Gang
Eye patches, parrots gave them away

National Semiconductor to Sell Unit
Too boring to get any action

Reconstruction After Mastectomy Less Likely for Blacks
Always screwed by Reconstruction

Man on Quest for Knife-Proof Body Bleeds to Death
One of those rare cases where learning from your failures is no help.

Corpse to Be Buried After Fails to Rise
Lazarus won't be fooled again.