10 Headlines (7 Central)

1. U.S. Soldiers Charged in Death of Iraqi
Only 11,526 trials to go.

2. An Agile Pilot Who Flew Under the Radar
What an asshole!

3. Dancing in Zelda's shoes
Unaware that Link is hot on your trail

4. DOWN TO BRASS TACKS, NUTS, BOLTS
The reality of Mighty Tom's killer robot when top of cardboard box torso is ripped off.

5. Turkey Parliament OKs EU-Oriented Reforms
"No mor Turkey diners" (with backwards "k" in "Turkey"

6. U.S. Spy Agency Turns Eyes on America
Maxwell Smart installed surveillance cameras backwards.

7. Kerry Warns Dairyland Voters of Bush Plan
Beer tax

8. Jeanne Damages NASA Shuttle Building
Accidently drops entire tray of "Just Peachy Peach Cobbler" on command console.

9. Engineers Use Hurricanes to Study Houses
Only good way to get a look at the underside.

10. Program Combines Archaeology, Oceanography
Hail Alantis!