A Courier 9

1. Yu-Gi-Oh, Waterloo church join forces
Battle-dragons, congregation similarly glassy-eyed

2. Judge dismisses lawsuit against Clayton County
Sheriff Little learns that if you go into another county and start pulling the doors off police cars, you go to jail. Period.

3. Chefs, high school students whip up sweet treats in kitchen
Fantasy world where kids have relationships with menial workers in their schools only a reality in TV shows like "Saved by the Bell"

4. Yields soar as harvest begins
Something would be seriously wrong if they didn't.

5. Enrollment up in Waterloo schools
Enrollment of students in the Marines by Seargant Whats-His-Name

6. West boys sweep MVC golf honors
Prospect Blvd. Offers up a New Generation of Weenies

7. Gun cabinet company discovers pens can pick some of its locks
Particularly, key-shaped pens

8. SE Iowa man convicted in stabbing death
Witnesses report suspect in getaway vehicle filled with "carload of himself"

9. Quarry Help WantedCoots Materials Company
Coots has managed to get up on one of the steel shelving units in back of the injection molder. He's swinging a broom handle around, keeping everyone at bay.