Nine Pin

1. Nasal drug to keep you from inhaling dinner
Capsule wedged in nostril doesn't leave room for chicken leg, green beens.

2. Group: Warlords to Hinder Afghan Election
Send multicolored balls to knock bricks out of election booths.

3. O'Brien to Take Over for Leno in 5 Years
Pat O'Brien Late Show Promises to be Sappy, Dreary Affair

4. New $50 Bill Begins Circulating
Authorities are thinking the little girl from "Firestarter" may be involved

5. 'Female Viagra' may enter market
Female Erection has Left Male Partners Stunned, Disturbed, Early Tests Reveal

6. New Palm System Targets Smart Phones
Placed on wrong palm; quickly rubbed to inoperation

7. Germany: A Brighter Sun In The East
Looking to pair with Japan, "try it again"

8. Bush Seeks $7.1B More for Hurricane Relief
Floridians thanking God they are a swing state.

9. Zero G Flights Could Bolster Space Tourism, Research Industries
Space Tourism has Been Languishing in an Era Where Space Flights are Offered With Aritficial Gravity, No Windows.