The Hoovy Seven

1 U.S. jets bomb insurgent-held Iraq cities
"We really don't like this new kind of music."

2 Florida urges new evacuations as Ivan nears
Ivan has terrible, terrible gas. The noses of old folks will not survive.

3 Car bomb near embassy in Indonesia kills 8
U.S. jets mistake local music for insurgent music and apologize profusely.

4 Powell: Sudan abuses qualify as genocide
Susan's air busses qualify for financial aide

5 Memos show Bush suspended from flying
Bush known for such gravity-defying acts since childhood.

6 Dress codes spread at companies, schools
Firefighters called in to cool down the boys.

7 Jennings' 'Jeopardy!' run may have ended
Ralph Badpun reports, "Bruce has finally RUN out of time."