Tentative
1.
President Outlines Foreign Policy
Looks remarkably like outstretched hand and middle finger.
2.
All-Cereal Restaurant Opens in Philly
Modelled after ISU food service.
3.
Miss World beauties defend relevance of contest
"What the fuck else are we good at?"
4.
Duck Hunter Shoots Angel
Angel mocked one too many times.
5.
Ricky Williams Rejects Deal From NFL
Demands his own weight in pot everyday.
6.
Brown Makes Season Debut for Wizards
Radagast expected to see little action.
7.
South Asia Stares at Looming Water Crisis
Looks and points at giant wave. Not much else to do. Where is Godzilla?
8.
Fly Higher, Fly Lighter: 'Ballute' Technology Aimed at Moon Missions
Initial flights to include no good galloot, later varmints.
9.
Stomach Surgery Helps Obese Patients with Reflux
Has no effect on The Reflex. Isn't that bizarre?
10.
First sexual stimulant for women could be as big as Viagra for men.
6-8 inches long.
Demands his own weight in pot everyday.
6.
Brown Makes Season Debut for Wizards
Radagast expected to see little action.
7.
South Asia Stares at Looming Water Crisis
Looks and points at giant wave. Not much else to do. Where is Godzilla?
8.
Fly Higher, Fly Lighter: 'Ballute' Technology Aimed at Moon Missions
Initial flights to include no good galloot, later varmints.
9.
Stomach Surgery Helps Obese Patients with Reflux
Has no effect on The Reflex. Isn't that bizarre?
10.
First sexual stimulant for women could be as big as Viagra for men.
6-8 inches long.
posted by Pat @ 1:01 PM
7 Comments:
Not a great batch--brown/Wizards one good reference but not too funny.
C'mon! Radagast? In keeping with the sports theme, what else was he supposed to do? With the game on the line who you going to put in?
I thought the dog from Duck Hunt one was a good reference, though the wording could have been funnier.
We're either in a slump or angry about commenting.
This is what bugged me originally about commenting. We're not finding the same ones funny, and it's discouraging for the headline writer. I still think we should not worry about commenting at all-then we can pretend there are people out there appreciating what we write the way we want.
As far as your comment about writing headlines into a void, remember, what I said when you were asking why you weren't getting any comments on "Mossyback?"
*sniff*
How did it come to this? Seems like just yesterday every headline was GREAT. Now nothing makes sense. Where did we go wrong?
Writing headlines into the void. Could be the name of an album or a novel.
Fuck Dan. #6 was FUNNY! Brown, Wizards, it was tailor made. Oh, and if you write them they will come. Er, something. You could try putting a sitemeter counter on the blog to track visitors, but that could become a depressing obsession. Very, very depressing...
Maybe erotic headlines is the way to go. Good idea.
If you write them they will come, indeed.
Mixdorf is seeing the past through rose-colored glasses. He's forgetting how we used to just respond to (emailed) batches of headlines with simply the word "thanks." We ended up agreeing we needed more feedback and went for 1-10 ratings, but instantly were mired in a situation where no one (especially me) ever got more than a 6.5. We even tried a conscious attempt at giving higher ratings, but they soon drifted back down. It always flawed to me, two "competing" headline writers rating one another...I would be happy writing to the void (or to whatever readers might happen to comment once every 8 months or so when really inspired). I love headlines for the headlines' sake.
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