7 for Nigeria

1. Michael Jackson Acquitted of All Charges
Smooth Criminal

2. N.C. Surgeons Unwittingly Used Dirty Tools
Patient whose chest cavity carved open with grape-flavored dildo may never be the same.

3. Jurors Say They Were Bothered by Mother
"We're tryin' to listen to testimony, ma!"

4. More Than a Million in U.S. Live With HIV
More than a trillion in US Live in HIVE

5. Poll: Six in 10 Want Troops to Leave Iraq
"But wanting them to leave is irrelevant," he quickly adds.

6. Destiny's Child to break up after U.S. tour
Only question is whether they will do it right at the Peoria International Airport Lounge, or wait till they get back to the hotel.

7. Paris Hilton Plans to Give Up Public Life
Her career having consisted of internet sex video and staring in "The Simple Life," she wanted to retire at the top of her game.