One for Each Member of the Cast of "Eight is Enough"

1. Triangle construction goes forward despite higher cost
Sesame Street continues preparation for blockbuster sketch.

2. Church Sex Case Stuns Louisiana Town
Line crossed in eyes of beastiality & incest-ridden community

3. Student Dies in Fall on Mount Logan
Back broken instantly on pointy peak. Where he fell from, we may never know.

4. Creationism Teacher Is Told to Stop
Teacher unconvinced of evolution since he has seen no evidence of it in self, acquaintances.

5. Army Misses Recruiting Goal for 4th Month
Pvt. 1st Class Wood Sending Everybody into the Queue

6. Securities lawyers await verdict in Scrushy trial
Convenience store lawyers await verdict in Squishy trail

7. Naomi Watts Celebrates IFC Center Opening
Gets bucket of wings and some cole slaw

8. Tenn. Town Warming Up to 'Bonnaroonies'
Still not sure what they are, but if they come so highly recommended by lovable Chief Engineer Scott, they must be OK.