Elevenses

1.
Bolivia Lawmakers Scramble for New Leader
God damn he loves eggs!
2.
Missing Student's Body Found in N.Y.
Though his heart remained in the bayous of LA.
3.
Man Delivers Pizza After Being Shot in Leg
When T-Clog says 30 minutes, he means it.
4.
Cuban Brothers' Identity Switch Backfires
Even they don't remember which is which.
5.
Madonna Releases Final Children's Book
Buys rights to all children's printed entertainment.
6.
Atari Inc. President and CEO Steps Down
Swings on vine and runs across the heads of three crocodiles.
7.
Ex-Steelers Lineman Terry Long Dead at 45
Genetic merger of Howie Long and Terry Bradshaw never had much of a future.
8.
Bush Holds Up Turkey Democracy As Example
Low fat alternative to actual democracy.
9.
Pot Clubs, Patients Vow Business As Usual
First rule of Pot Club - bring brownies.
10.
Surfer May Have Been Bitten by Shark
Might have just slipped in the shower.
11.
Jesus died of blood clot - Israeli researcher
Jews try to avoid responsibility in eons old controversy.