Strict Nine

1.
Ump Faces Molestation Charges
Position behind catcher never seemed right.
2.
'Deep Throat' Reportedly Comes Forward
Gay porn star can do it all.
3.
Bush: America Will Honor Fallen Soldiers
As fast as he can create them.
4.
Judge: Jurors will not see images of Michael Jackson's penis
Secret of smaller nose mystery solved there.
5.
Nicaragua Leader Declares Energy Emergency
Orders six pack of Red Bull.
6.
Australian scientists stunned by crab invasion
As usual, scientists unable to defend themselves.
7.
Researchers Use Maps to Research Obesity
Maps show clearly the locations of Tubbytown and Flabbyville.
8.
Obesity Fight Brings Missouri Town Closer
Like inflating balloons in a box.
9.
Feds Examine Impotence Drug-Blindness Link
Love IS blindness.