The Old 8 & Switch

1. Overseas RN hunt drops off
Casting of "Swedish Nurse Nipple Brigade" Nears Completion.

2. WRESTLING FOR JESUS
Surpasses NASCAR in popularity (and pronounced "Rasslin")

3. Today is judgment day at the Capitol
Explains why they've been governing like we will have no future.

4. Inside Dish: Gonzaga's Morrison working on expanding shooting range
Painful reality: Without accurrate outside shooter, Gonzaga fucked.

5. Breast Implant Maker Accused of Cover-Up
Covering-Up: The Kiss of Death in the World of Breast Implants

6. Schwarzenegger School-Funding Deal Eyed
Rider Attached to Deal: All Grade Schools to Be Assigned Kindergarten Cop

7. Mom Helps Nab Alleged Internet Predator
Even manages to first utter, "You're one ugly son of a bitch."

8. Anheuser-Bush looks to JibJab to boost beer sales
Jar-Jar's Bawdy Younger Brother, a Party Icon Throughout the Galaxy