The Couldn't Stop 16

1. More Ga. Judges Carrying Guns
Simply need to also be jury and they have the trifecta.

2. Tit-for tat games continue in the House of Commons on Friday the 13th
Those with tats feel duped, frustrated

3. Conservatives Honor DeLay With Gala
Funding it with taxpayer money and adding it the the list of ethics violations.

4. Baltimore Airport Renamed for Marshall
Suddenly and unexplainably more susceptible to spy activity

5. Gov. Bush Urges Fla. to Prepare for Storms
Challenges them to do it without science

6. Russians want NASA to fund escape craft at space station
Challenge is making it resistant to boulders, giant hollow spears.

7. Documentary Provides Intimate Look at Columbia's Last Crew
Basically as exciting as "The Real World," had it been cast with all mathmeticians.

8. Service Helps Dog Owners Interpret Barks
Quacks now involved with barks

9. Poll: GOP Voters OK Stem Cell Research
Poll: GOP Voters vote on taxes, pretty much nothing else

10. Flying Snakes: New Videos Reveal How They Do It
They are actually dragons

11. Man Tries to Revive Honeybee Population
Keeps getting a stinger in his dinger.

12. Cataract surgery may improve driving ability
Lest we forget the Center for the Study of Totally Obvious Fucking Things is still laboring away

13. Obesity-Linked Lung Stress May Trigger Asthma
Based on informal study of 25 fat high-school seniors going up three flights to the library

14. Utah Study Links Obesity and Bad Knees
CFTSOTOFT having a field day

15. Sex researchers shed light on unpopular sex acts
Sex researchers discovered to be backstage crew for porn film

16. Flu Shots May Soon Be Recommended for All
If Santa continues down the road to senility