Force Ten from Navarone

1.
Bush Gets Seat of Honor for VE Observance
Bush gets 'seat of honor' for VD observance.
2.
Missing Vietnam Servicemen to Be Buried
Missing my ass!
3.
Family of Beheaded American Seeks Solace
And head.
4.
Soybeans, Grains Increase
Benefitted from ample rains moving across the island.
5.
Christian Conference Weighs Challenges
Weighs suspected witches to see if they'll float.
6.
Nash becomes first non-American to claim MVP honors
A great day for ugly white guys everywhere.
7.
Lawyer: Dotson Won't Use Insanity Defense
Though dottering fool's lax supervision of gym class seems to justify it.
8.
U.S. Forest Service Scales Back Burn Plan
Head of Forest Service, Grishnak, urged to 'cut them all down'
9.
Box: Ohio Mulls Stronger Animal Terror Ban
Advocates zoo at Guantanamo.
10.
Drilling Near Nuclear Blast Cavity Called Risky Business
Except in Itchy and Scratchy cartoons.