Scarecrow and the Ten-Man

1. The Unmaking of the Mob Men
Traced to the decline in everyday use of pitchforks, torches.

2. House Votes to Rescind Ethics Rules
Promptly begin violently flailing about, distributing child-porn.

3. Sentencing of Man in LAX Bomb Plot Delayed
Device, intended to have laxative-like effect on people within detonation zone, called "mother of all 'dirty bombs'"

4. A nice ride, fancy rims, a death in a dark alley
Sturdy Frame finally goes apeshit on dickhead neighbor.

5. State of buildings decried
Make possibility of Coriscant-like Earth look more unlikely than ever

6. Solo artists
Doing caricatures for $5 a pop at the Star Wars convention

7. Moussaoui Hopes to Avoid Death Penalty
2nd Wish is for updated AP File Photo

8. Japanese Rethink Trains After Deadly Crash
Godzilla-proof plating seriously limiting viewing range of conductors.

9. Battle Over Benches Spills Across Pews
Tumble of cowboys, townsfolk, and faggots makes it's way across Hollywood backlot.

10. Town Debates Plans for Liquefied Gas
Looking at almost any alternative to burying underwear in back yard.