Nine inch males

1.
Jackson Defense Focuses on Security Logs
Which, along with cow bones, were principal weapons of Eagle Scout Security Inc.
2.
Military Jury Convicts Sergeant of Murder
With a name like Slaughter, what chance did he have?
3.
At Conclave, A Prediction And Promise
At autoclave, much methodical spinning.
4.
Cavaliers Fire GM Jim Paxson
All those undeserved championship rings meant nothing.
5.
Pope Benedict XVI Gets E-Mail Address
Immediately inundated with porn spam.
6.
Laura Bush Touts Effort on National Parks
Efforts to strip mine them.
7.
7 Corpses Found in Ancient Egyptian Tomb
Scientists surprised to find dead bodies in tomb.
8.
Exceptional Whale Fossil Found in Egyptian Desert
Exceptionally good swimmer.
9.
Dutch Say Have First Human 'Mad Cow' Victim
Not using finger to plug hole in dike.