Playa Eighter

1. Two in Custody After Capitol Plane Scare
Reportedly came onto tarmack dressed in giant albatross costume.

2. Prayer effective as painkiller?
Researchers explore practical application of numbing dullness experienced in church.

3. African Refugee Kids Threatened by Lead
Hide in Billiards Room.

4. Supreme Court Urged to Protect Reporters
And put those gavels to some good use.

5. Virginia to Send Snipers to Md. for Trial
Taking care of those activist judges once and for all.

6. 60 Killed in Suicide Attacks Across Iraq
Suicide bomber mistakenly kills group of 59 other suicide bombers in worst suicide bomber clusterfuck in history.

7. Yahoo to launch Euro version of music service
Claim of 70,000 titles available found to all be dance remixes of same song.

8. Congress Urged to Help Women in Science
Women, still shaken from Mr. Gephardt episode, understandably uneasy.