Even Seven

1.
Tech-Minded Kids Hike to Computer Camp
Only 1 in 3 survive arduous journey over level ground.
2.
Friend Says Teen Was Fine Before Killings
Friend doesn't know shit.
3.
Feds Investigate Hot-Selling Toyota Hybrid
Cannot tolerate such good gas mileage.
4.
Microcaps Can Add a Lift to Portfolios
Do little to disguise bed head.
5.
As jobs move to the suburbs, more people take their cars to work: StatsCan
Canada creates Bureau of Obvious Fucking Statistics.
6.
Puerta Defeats Canas at French Open
Doorknob too confusing.
7.
Congress to Study Slaves Role in Capitol
Republicans drunk with power.