One for Each Two Members of The Jets

1. A student dead; another arrested

For being too close to a dead guy

2. Help sought making

"Understand this, I do not even," replies Yoda.

3. Authorities seek to commit man for life

What happens when you apply for "shotgun bridge" wedding license through federal government.

4. Contractors Say Marines Behaved Abusively

Urinated on their drywall.

5. Soldier Gets Life for Gunning Down GIs

But nothing will bring back my PC and registered copy of ArcInfo

6. G8 Agrees to Historic Debt-Relief Plan

IG-88's plan to alleviate suffering quicker, more cruel

7. Insurgents in Iraq Go on Killing Spree

Correction, they go on killing like Spree. Begin systematic chocking of PJ Carlesimo.