Burt Bly-eleven

1.
Firefighters in Utah Win Battle With Blaze
Return to fire line after tangling with American Gladiator.
2.
Fire Breaks Out at Dallas Religious Museum
Burning bush diarama not properly sprinkled.
3.
Skipper Faulted in Oregon Fishing Disaster
Despite clear evidence implicating first mate.
4.
Ky. Residents Angry at Commandments Ruling
Repeatedly using the lord's name in vain.
5.
A British demon is rumbling
Welsh miners dug too deep.
6.
France Chosen As Site for Nuclear Reactor
Vote taken while French representative out for a smoke.
7.
John Paul II Placed on Path to Sainthood
Lifeless body not making as much headway as St. Bernie. Two young bishops enlisted to help things along.
8.
Alberta town declares local emergency, wants flood diversion project
Can't have it both ways.
9.
MTV launches new gay cable TV channel
Will only show Right Said Fred videos.
10.
T'wolves Guard Hoiberg Has Heart Surgery
Now called The Mayor of ICU.
11.
Faulty cable crashes Pakistan Internet
Country regrets the money it saved by only running that one cable.