One twelfth of a gross

1.
Specter Calls Gitmo System a 'Crazy Quilt'
Made by crazy ladies at a crazy church.
2.
Calif. Quake Prompts Brief Tsunami Warning
Tom Jones concert prompts tsunami of briefs.
3.
Baltimore Houses Troubled Kids in Offices
Recidivism up to 100% after kids see how 'real' people live.
4.
Man Who Burned Cross Loses W.Va. Election
To man who has sex with animals. A step in the right direction.
5.
Chiron cuts 2005 earnings, dose forecast
Superimposes bar chart, tomorrow's weather behind gloomy forecaster.
6.
Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac Still Have Problems
Tammie Fae, Bernie Mac to star as unlikely friends in new comedy.
7.
Ford Credit fined for misleading promotion
The so called 'A-Plan' don't mean squat.
8.
Report Finds Most 'Canadian' Drug Sites Are Frauds
'Canada' NOT that large landmass north of US.
9.
China's Haier considers Maytag bid
Formerly lonely repairman now looking for some personal space amongst 1.2 billion Chinese.
10.
Eddie Murphy Set to Sing in 'Dreamgirls'
Dream girl has Boogie in the Butt.
11.
'Regis and Kelly' Set Sail for Shows
Encouraged to reunite with old friends Scylla and Charibdes.
12.
New Planet Discovered, Twice Earth's Size
It's coming right at us!