Born in the U.S.8.

1. It's Liberty vs. Security in Spanish Terror Trial
Goddess of Democracy kicks Worf in the nuts

2. Vegetarians, older folk advised to get enough B12
Everyone else advised to avoid the vitamin; succumb to dizziness, comas and, eventually, death.

3. Govt to promote increased use of gas-run vehicles
To run commercials suggesting

4. Bush Taps Miller to Oversee War Monuments
Receives his "shot of courage," as is his standard practice before engaging in any official capacity for which he does not care and/or understand.

5. Leahy Faults White House for 'Slow-Walking' Roberts Papers that Were Promised to the Senate
White House counters that they deserve some credit for getting the papers to walk at all

6. Army Whistleblower Draws Fire
Hapless, penny-whistle blowing soldier running about none other than Pfc. Baldrick, attempting another one of his "cunning plans."

7. Garcia Likes Baltusrol
It makes his cold sores feel better

8. Kansas Schools OK Scrutiny of Evolution
Those who voted are, ironically, best evidence against it

8. Ark. Readies for Release of School Shooter
A full two weeks before flood officially recedes