Dudley Moore, starring in....

1. Scouts Struck by Lightning in Safe Place
A Pizza Hut.
2. Doctor will stand trial for tainted blood scandal, judge rules
Soft Cell will stand trial for Tainted Love scandal.
3. Fox needs to come clean about Abdul
At long last the truth is revealed, she is computer generated.
4. 'Oedipus' Blends Comedy, Greek Tragedy
Nothing funnier than sex with your mom.
5. Seymour Feels the Love in Patriots' Camp
More than just friendly ass-slapping on liberal MA team.
6. Cowboys TE Witten Fits Parcells' Mold
Now seen floating in Jell-o with several slices of banana.
7. Manchester United Looks for New Direction
Consider calling it 'sweast'
8. Bush Holds Latin American Ally at Ranch
Forcing him to wash the dishes.
9. Crew to Track Monarch Butterflies
2 Live Crew, hitting new low.
10. al-Qaida's No. 2 Threatens London, U.S
T-Clog brought in to train bin Laden personally. Diet critical to new threat.