Serpentine Nine

1. 9-Year-Olds Said Better in Math, Reading
Than president

2. Review: 'Happy Endings' Delivers on Title
You're happy when it ends.

3. Senators fight hidden sex in 'Grand Theft Auto'
14 year old boys bitterly disappointed as playing latest version of game eerily similar to watching C-SPAN.

4. Independence Day for Transformers
Go-Bots seeking out Hessians for some assistance

5. Drug combo ups breast cancer survival-study
One pill for each breast

6. Lobotomy Back in Spotlight After 30 Years
Less opting for a simple "bottle in front a' me"

7. Bush urged to back expanded stem cell research
Scientists begin aquiring stem cells from Star Trek's James Doohan.

8. UK bomber met Islamabad church bomber in '03-source
Thanks, Singles.com!

9. Triple suicide attack raises questions in Iraq
Did the three guys who ran into the middle of an Iraqi policeman recruiting station and stabbed themselves in the chest simply misunderstand instructions?