Spit Ten and cussin'

1.
RNC Raised $59.4M in First Half of Year
Planning on using money to create secret hidout inside of a dead volcano.
2.
Hair Found on Aruba Shore to Be Tested
Hairs found behind poster to be left alone.
3.
Unrepentant Rudolph Gets Life Sentence
"Next time maybe they'll let me play in their games."
4.
Clinton takes cheap AIDS drugs to African children
Bush takes cheap AIDS drugs from African children.
5.
Va. Gubernatorial Candidates Square Off
W. VA candidates square dance off.
6.
Iraq Premier Visits Iran to Build Ties
Loves that Persian silk.
7.
US may need animal-health czar to protect consumer
Czar Nicholas II, back from the dead, pissed, tired of his title being overused.
8.
Hippo, Believed Among Oldest, Turns 54
Still hungry.
9.
Ex-Shrimper a Self-Taught Genetics Expert
The saga of Forrest Gump continues.
10.
Being smart no guarantee to happiness in old age
Ignorance throughout life seen as key to happiness.